About the Book
“I was troubled by a traumatic childhood, a victim of child abuse and bullying. I often felt depressed, humiliated and resentful. I turned to fortune tellers. I found myself caught up in negative thoughts. But it was only when I turned to God that I was able to experience feelings of hope. “Life Transformed” is a testimony to the work of God in restoring one person’s life. Be challenged in learning what God can do in the midst of despair.”
I believed in Heaven after death, but I doubted the existence of God.
When I was younger, I told my mum I wished I hadn’t been born. She just looked at me, shocked without saying a world
I was raised in a very strict home, and received little physical affection. As a teenager, I also experienced bullying from my peers. The other teenagers often used to joke about my appearance. They would tell me that I always looked sad and slow. They also mocked my appearance because I was mixed. One schoolmate told the teacher and the rest of my classmates that I should be in charge of the sunshine during our school trip, because I was a bit darker than everyone else in the class. They nicknamed me “Zora the Red.” I felt ashamed by the color of my skin.
These painful experiences hardened my heart. I refused to believe in the existence of God. I looked for divine help by consulting my horoscope and seeking out fortune-tellers. One of them had me drink a concoction made of colored powder and water. I paid money to make a sacrifice to his god; he promised this would bring happiness into my life.
According to him, these things were necessary to change my misery into happiness. My circumstances did not improve. One day, my parents freaked out when they found the coloured powder in my bedroom desk drawer; they thought I was on drugs. I lied to them and told them that it was just an herbal infusion. I threw it in the trash.
I can’t really remember if I mentioned to my parents that I was seeing fortune-tellers. I remember that one of my teachers wanted to have an appointment with my dad because she wasn’t pleased with my average scores. I went to see a fortune-teller about it, as I knew my teacher would not give a good school report to my dad. He assured me that if I drank the coloured powder in water, she would forget about wanting to see my dad.
The concoction didn’t work, my teacher reminded me to ask my dad about seeing her. Those efforts only brought further disappointment.
My teacher and the principal of the school wanted me to go to a college to learn manual jobs (sewing, cooking, etc.). I was strongly against it, I wanted to pursue my studies in general education. They couldn’t force me into going to a college that I didn’t want to go.
My continued search for happiness led to deeper depression. I could not admit that I was insecure or that my plan to improve my life was useless. I suffered from rejection by others and self-rejection. My parents and peers rejected my opinions. They wanted to mold me into their ideal person. They didn’t accept me because I was not doing or saying the things they desired to see in me. I began to hate myself and the world around me. I had suicidal thoughts because I was troubled inside.
My siblings and I were never good enough. My parents planted seeds of anger, resentment, and hatred in our hearts through their actions and words. They never hugged or complemented us. They just kissed us on the cheeks to greet us, if we were going away, or birthdays. My parents never comforted us when we were sad. We were raised in a very controlling and tense environment.
One time, I came back from playing at a friend’s house. I didn’t tell my parents where I was. When I came back home, they beat me. My hair got pulled when I didn’t come to eat dinner on time or I didn’t hold my head straight while my hair was being brushed.
I remembered being pushed on the floor for refusing to be vaccinated as I was scared of needles. My parents locked me up in my bedroom until I agreed to be seen by a doctor. I felt so fearful and angry that I refused to come out of my bedroom for a few days. I was so insecure that I didn’t trust anyone. One day, I decided to run away, but it lasted only for a couple of hours.
My parents judged my siblings and I on our performance. They told us that we were lazy, violent, stupid, a complete failure… One day my mother realized that she was treating us like wild animals by using whips, so she cut the ropes of the whip. My dad was surprised, so he turned to using his hands and fists to discipline us. As time went on and we became teenagers, my parents stopped the beatings.
Inside my head, it was agony, I just wanted to run away from it all. In all honesty, nobody is perfect, the television news portrays this so well. Most times, I wanted to be alone. I rejected people’s company and they rejected mine. I created an imaginary world where I confided in a loving father and a protective brother. I even made up conversations with them as I looked at myself in my wardrobe mirror. I even imagined a perfect husband. I created a fictional world. I read constantly to escape from the reality of my shaky world.
I had to believe in myself in order to get out of this messy home. My parents would not change and I had to accept this awful reality.
I just had one or two friends at school and college. I was too reserved and ashamed to confide in them. The more I kept those bad feelings to myself, the more I became bitter, unforgiveable, insecure, lonely, I rejected everyone and everything, resentful, angry, and nervous.
Most of us dream of a big house, a car, fame, a well-paid job, money, and someone to love. We strive to be successful in life. As I chased after some of these things, I realized they did not make me happy. Something was still missing in my life. I still felt a void inside my heart, I longed to be loved and accepted.
A few months later, I decided to complain to the juvenile court about the unbearable situation of my home life. I was so overwhelmed. I couldn’t find the juvenile court, so I asked a passerby for directions.
He told me that the court was closed for the day, and that I should come back on Monday. He was concerned about my welfare, and invited me for a drink in a nearby coffee shop. I unloaded my burdens on him. He listened and explained to me that going to court was a very bad decision; the judge would separate my siblings by putting us in different foster homes. It would be very difficult to see my siblings again. He told me to be patient and endure the hardships until I turned eighteen, then I would be able to leave my parents’ home.
He was also concerned that I would run away from home and become a prostitute. I reassured him that wouldn’t be the case. He told me to meet him again at the market place to sell roses and make money. The next Saturday, I went back to the market place but he wasn’t there. Looking back, this man was probably meant to help me that particular stressful day.
One day when I was fifteen, I told my dad that I was contemplating suicide. I thought of drowning myself in the canal in the middle of the night. My dad’s way of comforting me was to tell me to stop thinking about it. I called the helpline to discuss my despair. They were not able to help me; they just listened. I cried a lot that day.
When I was nineteen, I starting seeing a psychologist to talk about my problems on a monthly basis. During the three sessions we had, the therapist didn’t help me at all. The therapist listened to me, but I had to find my own solutions. Going to singing classes and writing songs helped me with my despair.
I needed to find the purpose for my existence. I wanted to be useful, to make a difference, and to live my legacy. I often wondered why I still lived. Was it to endure suffering like violence, war, famine, diseases and so on, that TV news channels broadcasted every day?
This book is my testimony of how God found me in the middle of my sufferings, restored my life, and revealed to me its meaning. I discovered my purpose through God.
About the Author
My name is Sana Edoja. I enjoy writing poetry and non-fiction books. A great source of encouragement for the discouraged, the heart broken. If you are disappointed with your life you are in the right place.
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